Chicks with Checks

Deliberate Creation

2011-02-16T15:49:00.013-05:00

Argh! I just heard it again. A well-meaning person just said, “I would love to give more, but am short right now.”

We’ve all felt that way at one time or another. Maybe it was a shortage of money. Maybe time or talent was the concern. Maybe it was feeling stuck and worried. Regardless, the message is the same - I can’t give right now because I don’t yet have enough.

So it’s high time we had a little conversation about Deliberate Creation.

But first I must digress….

In deep mid-winter, I always experience a feeling of hibernation, of drawing inward and letting go, of the old dying and the new preparing for birth. It’s no accident that we are given a bright shiny new year at a time when the earth and all that is in it is still sleeping. We need that time of quietude for healing, reflecting, storing up, and emerging anew ourselves. So here we are in the “dead” of winter which brings me to one of my favorite annual rituals.

Growing up Southern Baptist in the 1960s, we didn’t hear much about the practice of giving something up for Lent. Then I married a Methodist and listened as usually sensible adults bragged about giving up wine or chocolate and their kids giving up the jelly on their toast or cookies. I struggled to connect these superficial “sacrifices” to spiritual growth and finally gave up. Then one day a pastor friend shared the Lenten tradition he and his family followed and a major Ah-Ha moment blossomed.

Steve suggested that we use this 40-day season to let go of something we want to give up forever. It might be a habit that isn’t in our best interest or a relationship that doesn’t nurture us or even something we habitually worry about. Letting go of it for 40 days pretty much assures that it will be exiting our life.

Then he added a Step 2 to the process. Replace the time and energy you would have spent on whatever you have given up with something that builds you up instead. If you’ve let go of a relationship that is dragging you down, devote that same energy to nurturing one you want more of. If it’s habit, do something else with that time. He offered the example of smoking. Replace smoking with doing something else with your hands that engages and delights you. Erase and replace is the goal.

My own most profound experience (up until now!) was the year I gave up fretting. I had gotten myself into a perpetual state of anxiety and couldn’t seem to pull myself out, so in pure frustration I decided to give up fretting and replace it with quietude. I designated a very pretty (and comfortable) chair in my living room as my “Time Out” chair. Every time I would find myself feeling anxious, overwhelmed, fretful, worried, or fearful I would put myself into Time Out. The goal was simply to sit still and quiet my mind. This was hard! So I set an interim goal of just being able to sit still without wiggling, and even set a timer for 5 minutes and “made” myself just sit still for shorter then longer periods of time. Sometimes listening to meditative music helped. Often it was all I could do not to jump up and run do something else, but I stuck with it and slowly a miracle began occurring. My mind began to quiet as my body did and I began to experience what it means to “Be still and know.” Soon, I was so eager to go to Time Out that no fretful triggers were needed, and I found myself wondering if the timer was needed to keep me from living in this lovely quiet chair!

This year, I have already begun my Lenten process and the focus this time is Deliberate Creation. I am giving up living by Default and choosing living by Design. I am giving up lingering limiting beliefs and actions. I am giving up doubts and fears. I am giving up rehashing conversations and situations wishing I had said or done something different. And I am replacing all of that with deliberately, purposefully creating what I really want.

When the decision for this year’s focus was made, I caught myself almost immediately thinking “This is going to be hard,” then laughed out loud and remembered that “hard” isn’t at all what I want to create. So even setting my intention offered a moment to choose! And that’s the goal – to live by conscious choice, not by chance.

As long as I‘m spilling, here’s another dirty little secret. I began studying the Law of Attraction long before I knew its name or even that it had a name. It made perfect sense, was easy to understand intellectually, and fun to teach. Yet my personal frustration with my own lack of consistent results continued to grow like well-fertilized weeds. (There’s a big clue in that statement.) Thankfully, by continuing to seek I could finally see the answer that had been right in front of me all along. The missing ingredient was faith – faith that it would work for me perfectly every time just as the law says and just as others were experiencing. And those of you that have been reading along already know that faith is my Watchword for 2011.

So Deliberate Creation is my next leap of faith and I am inviting all of you to join me. Personally, I am using Dr. Robert Anthony’s course in Deliberate Creation as my guide, though you’ll want to choose whatever speaks best to you. Dr. Anthony has broken the process into clear steps and explains each one in terms that I can fully understand and easily follow. I listened to all of the CDs over the weekend and already feel a shift. Now I am listening again slowly, internalizing each and every nugget, and practicing constantly and consistently. There have been a couple of tough moments, but it’s becoming easier and easier to erase and replace. You can access Dr. Anthony’s teaching at Secrets of Deliberate Cre ation.

Regardless of what guide you choose, please stop by the Chicks with Checks Facebook page or this blog page often and let everyone know how you are coming along – both triumphs and trials. We are all in this together!

Can’t wait to hear your stories!!!

Giving Circles - A Simple Way to Put the Law of Giving to Work for You

2011-01-19T19:54:00.002-05:00

Paying It Forward or Giving Back. Have you ever noticed how those two phrases describing the same transaction are structural opposites? Hope so, because there’s a good reason to look at giving from both perspectives. One speaks to Seed Money, the other to Tithing. Both are important parts of the giving cycle.

You probably know about Tithing, the belief that we should give back 10% of what we earn as an expression of gratitude for what we have received. You may not be as aware of Seed Money which starts at the front end of the process and says that everything we give will come back to us tenfold. The math here really works in the giver’s favor. What we pay forward comes back to us 10x yet we only need to give back 10%? Sign me up!

The principle of Seed Money is just as ancient as the principle of Tithing, but hasn’t received the same publicity. I suspect its day is coming based on three factors: the increased awareness of natural laws such as the Law of Attraction and the Law of Giving, the popularity of the Abundance principles of success, and the ragged economy.

When the economy began its nosedive, people naturally started cutting back on their spending including their giving. Yet if the principle of Seed Money is true, and I personally believe it is, then tight times are when we should get more systematic and mindful about our giving, even if the amount itself becomes smaller for a while.

Enter Giving Circles. Six years ago as the economy was entering its swoon, giving circles were still flying under the radar. In 2006, there were fewer than 400 known Giving Circles in the United States mostly working quietly behind the scenes. Three years ago, they were a trend in the making. Today, they have exploded in the US with an estimated 800 Giving Circles now working vibrantly and vocally. These often-small groups of people gathering in homes, restaurants, and coffee shops are pooling their money to give together and in the process they have become a significant philanthropic force that has raised over $100 million to support every charitable cause imaginable.

Laurie Melstrom started her Giving Circle several years ago just as the stock market decided to jump from the plane with no parachute. "This economic downturn has a lot of people breaking out into a sweat," said the Cadillac, Michigan homemaker. "Yet everyone said, 'Count me in.’ Individually, the group's 10 or 12 prospective members can't make much difference, but together we'll be able to make the kind of donation that our small charities are really going to need in tough times."

That’s the beauty of a Giving Circle. According to Wikipedia, “Giving Circles are a form of philanthropy consisting of groups of individuals who pool their funds and other resources to donate to their communities, and seek to increase their awareness and engagement in the process of giving.” Sort of like an investing club or a book club for giving, each group typically has a theme or common cause such as children’s or women’s issues, poverty, or community organizations. Often the individual donations are small, yet when combined they can make a real difference.

And the receiving organizations are not the only beneficiaries. In co-creating a meaningful donation, the members receive multiple benefits of their own. In addition to enjoying the company of other joyful givers, they are igniting the principle of Seed Money in their own lives. Those gifts, no matter how large or how small, will come back to them often in unexpected ways enabling them to give again, maybe give more, which triggers even more receiving and more giving – after all, giving and receiving are the yin and yang of the same cycle - and that is the textbook definition of a Win – Win situation.

Giving Circles are a little idea that has learned to Live Large with meaningful benefits to all involved on both sides of the equation. Through collaborative generosity and connection to others, giving circles embody the philosophy “If we each do a little, together we can do a lot.”

Are You a Giver or a Taker - The Answer May Not Be as Simple as You Think

2011-01-14T11:00:00.004-05:00

A couple of days ago, I received a surprise phone call from a dear friend I hadn’t heard from in a while. Though the conversation was long and chatty as catch-up calls can be, it quickly zeroed in a something that was clearly gnawing on her mind.

She shared a story about helping someone, someone she thought was her best friend, only to be stabbed in the back in more ways than you can imagine. Naturally, she was hurt, twice when you think about it. Just being betrayed is bad enough, but getting that treatment from a close friend who had asked for and received help can be devastating.

As we talked, my friend wondered how she could give “good” and receive meanness in return…whether she might be too giving or did not always use good common sense and firm boundaries…if I she could strengthen her radar and develop a better feel for whether a person was a Giver or a Taker.

Good questions.

So I emailed two articles to her – “A Dozen Ways to Spot Takers Disguised as Givers” and “Are You a Giver or Taker?” And here’s where the story starts to get really interesting.

The next day, she left an excited message saying she had read the articles and now wondered if she was more of a taker than she had ever realized! In our next conversation she jumped right in: “I shared that one article – the dozen ways – with a couple of friends and asked if they saw me in that checklist because I saw myself in several of the points.”

Then she asked another really important question.

“If I can recognize this about myself, does that mean I’m a Taker or does it mean I’m a Giver who messes up sometimes? Isn’t it true that Takers can’t see this in themselves?”

Bingo.

In “Are You a Giver or a Taker,” the writer tells of a woman who attended one of his seminars. She complained bitterly, criticized everything, hogged the spotlight, and generally found fault. Then she accused the speaker of being the Taker for not giving her exactly what she wanted even though she was the one who refused to allow herself to be pleased!

One of the hallmarks of being a Taker is that they can never be satisfied. Their “what’s in it for me” approach to life leaves them always grasping for more without the ability to be grateful for what they have right now. Other people typically respond by backing off and declining to give any more to such a grasping person or by trying to “fix” them. My friend was beginning to suspect she might be a fixer and that might make her a Taker in disguise.

Since Takers subconsciously believe that they have to “go after” what they want and “make” it happen, they are in no mood to be fixed. They are stuck in what Ken Kreis calls an “emotional vacuum” so when something they perceive as a need is not being met, they go after filling that need by getting (taking), rather than giving. That is a huge indicator of low self-confidence or self-worth. They are often jealous. They infringe on the rights and space of others while attributing the crowdedness to others invading their space and rights. Do you see a pattern here? They think you are the one with the problem. “Taking” and judging by “what’s in it for me” are the best, and perhaps the only, ways they know how to get what they want. They will drain you of everything you have to give and still resent you because “taking” turns them into a bottomless pit. And they will interpret your normal and natural expectation for gratitude as having strings attached. And guess what. On this one they are right. As soon as you have expectations of any kind, even of receiving what you consider to be gratitude, you have inadvertently negated your gift.

One of the greatest challenges of life is learning unconditional giving, savoring the giving itself as enough. Simply giving and setting it free. Practicing the fine art of allowing the gift to find its own mark …or not.

As we talked, my friend related another story. Several months previously, another friend had gotten married. On the day of the wedding, she had shared some words of wisdom. “No matter what happens, remember to be present in every moment of this day. It will pass quickly and you will want to savor it all.” She spoke the words and forgot them. Months later, her friend mentioned that those words had made all the difference in how she experienced one of the most important days of her life.

I asked her how that made her feel. Great, of course, was her answer. I asked her what was different about the two giving experiences. She noticed two. First, the two friends were very different. One was able to receive and the other was only able to take. Then a light went off - she suddenly recognized how judging her friends’ ability to receive pegged her own feelings on someone else’s actions and how that perspective gave away her personal power. But even more importantly, she realized in one situation she gave and released what she had given - completely forgot about it– and in the other, she expected certain behaviors in return. She had unknowingly set herself up.

And that’s the secret. Unconditional giving makes us feel great. It energizes us and renews our joy in giving. The intended recipient cannot hurt us because we’ve already received our reward through the joy of giving. My friend still wants to become more mindful and less of a “fixer,” but I think she also discovered a new peace in realizing her work is done the moment she gives. The idea of giving and letting it go seemed pretty appealing.

Both of the articles contain checklists for how to recognize a Taker which can serve as a good self-assessment. In answer to my friend’s second question – If I can see this in myself, does that mean I’m a Taker or a Giver? I would say she’s a Growing Giver. It’s rare that Takers see their own actions clearly. That’s part of being a Taker. So I challenge you to take one of the tests. Even Great Givers can grow!

The Law of Giving

2011-01-08T11:00:00.002-05:00

The Law of Giving says “The Giver becomes the Receiver becomes the Giver becomes the Receiver...” in a never-ending bountiful flow.

That’s pretty straightforward. Yet even when we generally understand the reciprocal nature of the flow, it is crucial to seek crystal clear clarity regarding the underlying principles that can either magnify or diminish the results we get. They are the gateway to greater awareness of how the Law works and how we can harness its power with good for all involved.

For starters, the Law says the Giver becomes the Receiver. It doesn’t say the Receiver gets to Give, and that sequence is vitally important. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, firmly believed that mindful giving was the missing ingredient in most people’s lives. In fact, two of the three steps in his Keys to Success involve giving. Hill taught:

Step 1 – Know exactly what you want. Most people get stuck right here because they are vague about what they want. Any success coach will tell you that most people describe what they want in fuzzy terms such as improved health, more money, or better relationships without ever defining what that means to them. Their clients often fall back on the old “I’ll know it when I see it” defense, but the evidence says they won’t.

Step 2 – Decide exactly what you are willing to give in order to receive what you want. If you want excellent health, you must first give your body good food plus enough sleep and exercise. If you want more money, you must first give something people need or want. If you want loving relationships, you must first give The Golden Rule. Are you willing to do those things? In each case, decide exactly what you are willing to give, making sure that it has true value, of course.

Step 3 – Give first. Start giving right now in pure gratitude with no strings attached. Give thanks that you can give, no matter how “large” or “small” it may seem to be. You must get the cycle started by giving first. If you wait for someone else to go first, you could be waiting a really long time – and won’t know what to do with it when it happens.

I would add a 4th step to what Hill taught.

Step 4 - Practice the Art of Allowing. Remember that the Law of Giving represents a cycle. If the Giver cannot Receive, the cycle will be broken. Some of the best Givers I’ve ever met really struggle with allowing themselves to receive. They get amazingly creative in (subconsciously) blocking their receiving, and that of course kills the cycle. So they end up giving till it hurts or insisting that the Law is flawed instead of opening the flow.

Hill’s Keys to Success are really just another way of expressing the very potent Seed Money Principle which is fundamental to the Law of Giving. The Seed Money Principle states that “Everything we give in pure gratitude with no strings attached will come back to us tenfold.” In other words, we seed our own receiving by giving. As soon as you give, claim your tenfold return making sure that you are doing so in pure gratitude with no strings attached. Using a mantra such as “I am grateful for receiving my tenfold return which has provided good to all involved” will energize your tenfold return and help you practice the Art of Allowing, opening yourself to receive.

And as soon as you receive, give again. Allow receiving that tenfold return to lead straight into the Tithing Principle which teaches us to give back ten percent of everything we receive. And we’ve already learned that everything we give comes back tenfold. See how the cycle is working? It really is just that simple.

Your money, time, and talent MUST be in motion for them to help you, and the ONLY way to put them in motion so they will multiply is to give. If you hide your treasures in the proverbial mattress in a misguided attempt to protect them, they will only suffocate and die, leaving you even worse off. Treasure is only good for you, and others, when it is serving in some way.

The lessons of the Law of Giving are clear and universal. Whether we are speaking of basic science (If you want a different response, you must first give a different stimulus), or friendship (If you want to have a friend, you must first be a friend), or wealth (If you want to earn more, you must first invest), The Law of Giving is a Master Key. It precedes the Law of Attraction (What you give your attention to is what you receive) and is the power behind the Law of Love (Always treat others with the same love and kindness you would like to receive from them). In fact, it is the foundation for all natural laws (What you give is what you get!).

Happy Giving!

To learn more about how to ignite the power of The Law of Giving visit http://www:chickswithchecks.org

Full Circle - Social Entrepreneurship at Its Best

2011-01-05T11:13:00.002-05:00

Cindy Jenkins has been an entrepreneur unawares for most of her life. Even during her 20 years with a “day job” in the legal field, she always had some sort of business on the side - reupholstery, carpet cleaning, remodeling, and paint and wallpaper. But it wasn’t until she attended the FastTrac SC program that she realized why. The program teaches basic entrepreneurship principles including how to start a business the right way. Her first attempt was a business development company that taught her the downside of spreading yourself too thin. The upside is that it led her to the nonprofit sector. Cindy and nonprofits have turned out to be the proverbial “match made in heaven.”

About the same time she was being drawn to nonprofits, she discovered Groupon and their innovative business model. They send discount deals to thousands of subscribers in their free daily email, and promise that the participating businesses will gain a ton of new customers as a result. As any true entrepreneur would do, Cindy started thinking on how that model could be used by nonprofits.

One morning, she literally woke up with the entire Full Circle idea in her head. All the details - the name, logo, colors, business card – were crystal clear. The concept is simple. In addition to promoting a daily deal, each deal-offering business would also choose a nonprofit to support. Every time a deal was purchased, the nonprofit would receive a percentage of the purchase price. The customers would receive a great deal. The business would receive new customers and oodles of exposure to new audiences. And the nonprofit would receive a donation. Everybody would win! And as Cindy had learned in FastTrac, when everybody wins, everybody wins.

Full Circle is currently running a Sweepstakes to help them get launched in Charleston, SC with plans to expand into other markets soon. The prize is $500 for your favorite nonprofit. To find out how your favorite nonprofit can be the winner (or to help Chicks with Checks win on behalf of one of our favorite nonprofits!) , visit http://www.fullcirclecharleston.com

Together, we can make 2011 the Year of Giving.

Watchword 2011 - Keeping the Faith

2011-01-03T09:08:00.003-05:00

While visiting friends and family down South this past week, I picked up a December issue of Skirt! Magazine. (If you haven’t yet discovered Skirt!, please hop over to their website right now http://www.skirt.com and savor this fun and funky mag.) I was still noodling over my Watchword for 2011, and though there were several good possibilities, none felt like THE word for what is feeling more and more like a VERY IMPORTANT YEAR. I know it will have to do with growing my inner strength, honing my focus, and becoming more comfortable just being Me, but the key theme was still flirtatiously hiding just out of sight. Why couldn’t I see it? What exactly was I afraid of?

Then I picked up Skirt! and read Nikki Hardin’s monthly note to readers. It begins:

“Sometimes you just get tired of being timid, of being afraid, of always saying no to the world. Sometimes you get to the point where your fears get so boring you can hardly stay in the same room with them. Sometimes you exhaust your repertoire of excuses for not doing something new and that’s the point when you have to decide either to restart your life or resign yourself to never being alive.”

Ouch.

The years 1995 – 2010 have been my Phoenix Years. The main characteristics have been taking Big Bold Steps followed by timid, excuse-ridden retreats that naturally resulted in some pretty spectacular crashes. Then rising again, a little clearer and wiser and braver and stronger and more compassionate. But also more frustrated and afraid of getting hurt and messing up or making the same mistakes again.

Fifteen years ago, one of those crossroads times in life occurred. As a child, I had gladly accepted a particular mission, yet had relentlessly pursued a conventional life instead, one that seemed more safe and secure, security being my Number 1 craving. At age 33, an awakening began and it was no longer possible to glide through the days and nights on auto-pilot. Then in 1995 there came that moment of truth, my moment of deciding whether to finally embrace that mission and restart my life if necessary or to accept sleepwalking forever and never being fully alive. I closed my eyes and jumped (taking two teenagers with me), made that initial leap of blind faith trusting that a net would appear from somewhere. That was the first of many “Julia Cameron Moments.”

Surely you have felt those moments, too. You know you can’t stay where you are - well, you could, but you know your spirit will suffocate if you do - yet you are terrified of taking the leap of faith into whatever comes next. For me, the security I had so deeply craved had become a prison whose bars were made of the little bits of me I was giving up along the way. If I stayed in this place I had so painstakingly created, the essence of Me would die forever. The crossroads was looming. Safety or Embracing Life. Security or Fulfilling Mission. Emptiness or Fulfillment. That’s what it really came down to. And in that moment, without even knowing exactly what I was doing, I took a leap of pure blind faith.

Freed from the shackles of my self-imposed security, my spiritual quest began in earnest. I have devoured books by the dozen, soaked up the teachings of those who were already more enlightened, and sought the company of fellow seekers. Things started happening fast, faster than I was ready to accept, so I also spent a fair amount of time scurrying under rocks and seeking out shadows to hide in. And that, of course, brought on another major crossroads.

I had made that first leap with pure childlike faith as if I had angel wings attached. And, of course, I did. We all do. All progress starts with acknowledging that it’s time for change. All change requires a heaping helping of faith, even if we aren’t aware of its presence. The first step is always courageous regardless of whether it’s “big” or “small.” And the theme that runs throughout is faith.

It doesn’t matter that I’ve done some things in this lifetime that bring me to my knees with pain or embarrassment. The key is having the faith to get up and go again, having the faith to say “Whew! That was a tough lesson and what a valuable lesson it was.” My dear friend Amie Chilson, who always inspires and humbles me, says “The baggage we carry is self induced…at any moment we can decide to lay it all down. If we were all to forgive the skeletons in our closets and agree to be transparent, the world would definitely be a different place than it is now.” Amen, Sister!

You see, I firmly believe we are here for only one reason – to remember how to Love. And that begins with learning to love ourselves warts and all and that, my friends, takes faith. Faith that we are divine creations. Faith that good can and does overcome evil. Faith that loves love conquers all. Faith that putting one foot in front of the other will always get us where we are going.

That means I also firmly believe everything in this world falls into one of these two categories – love or fear. Therefore, everything that is not love is fear. Anger is fear. Criticism is fear. Blame is fear. Doubt is fear. Second guessing is fear. Complaining is fear. Fear is all about being timid…and insecure. And what is the opposite of fear? Boldness. Love. Faith.

So here’s to a 2011 rooted in Faith and fueled by Love.

So that’s it. The watchword for 2011 is Faith as in “Have a little Faith,” “Take a leap of Faith,” or even “Keep the Faith, Baby.”

Happy New Year and take that leap of faith. I promise your net will appear!

Watchwords - An Alternative to New Year's Resolutions

2010-12-22T16:08:00.001-05:00

As the end of the year approaches, most of us are focused on celebrating the season and setting intentions for the New Year. For our family, even more so than usual, our celebration will be all about enjoying being together with good food, lots of laughter, and a little wine thrown in for good measure. It’s been both an exciting and a tough year. Liz and Jared made a huge life change when they decided to rent out their house, buy a sailboat, and live aboard. Caro bought a cute fixer-upper house with tons of potential at the end of last year and has spent the year doing renovations… and finding love. For both girls, the year has been filled with joys and not-so-joyous surprises. Engine trouble? Windows and doors that must be replaced ASAP? Falling in love with the vagabond lifestyle? Falling in love with a lovely man? Thankfully, the pluses far outweigh the minuses.

And that is the key. Looking at life as a whole and seeing that the pluses always outweigh the minuses no matter how bad we may think circumstances are in the moment. After all, circumstances pass and the more we focus on what we want beyond current circumstances the faster those happier times will come.

This is also the time of year when I focus on the year ahead and set my intentions for what that year will be.

Long ago, I gave up making New Year’s resolutions. They only work if you OWN a gym! Does this sound familiar? It's January 1 and even your fat jeans are too tight. So you join a gym and start off with a bang, probably overdoing everything. By January 30, you're burnt out, but haven't burned off a single pound - and you’ve spend most of your workout time thinking about what you "should" be doing instead. So then you start thinking “Maybe I’ll skip it just this once.” Besides, it's eating up so much time that there is no time left for healthy cooking, so you take short cuts and end up eating stuff you "shouldn't" and before you know it, another resolution has bitten the dust. Argh!!!!!!

So I no longer believe in New Year's Resolutions, but I do believe it is possible to set yourself up for success in the New Year. It just takes a new approach.

Instead of setting resolutions, adopt a Watchword. It's very simple really. You choose a word or phrase that becomes your theme for the year and use that as a benchmark for every decision and action all year. That's it. The beauty is that it teaches you a new way to be rather than just changing a couple of habits.

One year, I chose the word "jettison." The idea was to get rid of anything that did not serve me - relationships, habits, clutter, you name it. Part of the deal was to not bring in new stuff that would just become more junk at some point. It was a year of honing my decision-making processes and going deeper with what was really important.

Another year, my Watchword was "effortlessly." Anything too complicated, convoluted, or stressful was not allowed to make the cut. It taught me that simple is usually better and if we are having to strive too hard, we might be going in the wrong direction. It also taught me an unexpected and even more valuable lesson about how we block our own receiving through needlessly complicating things.

Another personal favorite was the word “enough.” That one took a lot of flack from well-meaning folks before they understood the real meaning. Always having enough – enough money, enough health, enough love – is the purest form of abundance. It’s easy to forget how much really is enough since we are constantly bombarded by advertising telling us that we “need” all sorts of things in order to be happy even though genuine contentment really comes from a deep understanding of the simple word “enough.”

And speaking of “contentment,” that was another great Watchword. True contentment happens when we learn to accept whatever is and enjoy each moment in gratitude even as we move purposefully towards our preferred future.

Sometimes the Watchword is a phrase. One year, I borrowed a popular saying – “No one can go back and get a new beginning, but anyone can start now and get a new ending.” It helped me truly accept that where I am right now at any given moment is right where I'm meant to be. But it also helped me weigh choices - would they take me to my preferred future or would they just keep me on the same old path. It's possible to set, and achieve, good goals that won't get us where we really want to be.

Resolutions, while well-intended, are inherently problematic. Too often, we take a pass or fail approach that is almost guaranteed to result in feeling like a failure. Or the list is so big we are overwhelmed before we can even get started. Or we set goals that are too far out without outlining the baby steps that will get us there. Or we forget that celebrating the baby steps is just as important as celebrating the goal itself. Riding high on a season of good cheer and excited about a shiny new year, we say "yes" to too much and are quickly swamped. So we toss out the whole plan and chide ourselves rather than acknowledging that we may have set ourselves up for failure in the first place. For many of us, setting resolutions falls into the category of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results!

Since starting this tradition, I have spent time every December reflecting on the year that just was and contemplating the year to come. The contemplation is rooted in gratitude - for “what is” right now and for what will be the "what is" a year from now. I ask myself what I want to be different in my life, what I want to be giving thanks for next December, and the Watchword emerges. Then as I go through the year, the Watchword becomes my barometer for choices. My Watchword is my guide, my muse, and my goals all wrapped into one neat package. Living by Watchword becomes a way of life, a way of being, a way of becoming your own best You. Or maybe it is simply a way to help me remember that I am already my own best Me at any given moment.

So amidst the hurry and scurry of the holidays, I hope you will make some quiet time for yourself and bask in gratitude. And think forward. What would you like to be thankful for this time next year? Then set a Watchword that will guide you there.

Courageous Kidz

2010-12-17T23:45:00.005-05:00

When I asked Debby Stephenson, known as Flash to her friends, to share a story or two about children who have been helped by Courageous Kidz, I did not expect to be hit with 20 pages of letters from the families of those children. That was two hours ago and it took this long to dry my tears, still my heart, and even be able to think about writing.

To a child with cancer, there is no such thing as a “normal” day. There are treatment days and post-treatment days and sick days and getting-through-it days, but the carefree days of just being a kid are few and far between.

Anyone who has experienced cancer, including me, can tell you that it is much more than a disease. When the word “cancer” is used in a sentence with your name or the name of your child, everything about your world changes. From that point forward, the Big C becomes the elephant in the room, dominating every choice. Thankfully, we have a strong medical community to treat the disease, but who treats everything else? I learned through my own experience that there is a huge difference between treating or curing the body and healing the person.

Thankfully, for kids with cancer in Charleston, SC there is Courageous Kidz.

You need to know this. I have been asking and asking for Debby to tell me how she became so passionate about helping children with cancer. Every time, she responds with stories about the children! For Debby, this is simply who she is. I suspect she would just curl up and expire herself if she could not help these kids.

Consider the story of Jessica Clark.

Jessica Clark is now 19 yrs old. She is a two time cancer survivor. At the age of 13 months, Jessica was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. She did several rounds of chemotherapy, but after going into remission for a while, she developed all sorts of health issues, including a heart condition, as a result of the chemotherapy. That required more surgery. But here’s the good news…she has now been in remission for over 10 years which to cancer patients usually signals “home free.”

Jessica reached her freshman year in high school and at the age of 15 was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Because of the location of the tumor surgery was not an option. Devastated Jessica took the one round of radiation therapy offered by her doctors and prayed for the best along with her family and friends.

We happily report that the tumor is gone. Jessica went on to graduate high school and is now a sophomore in college with a major in Pediatric Oncology. She I also a volunteer for Courageous Kidz and loves helping the children. She is truly a miracle and inspiration to many!!

Courageous Kidz provides a calendar packed with fun activities where kidz can meet new friends who understand what they are going through. Their mission is to provide year round unforgettable experiences for kids with cancer and their families in South Carolina. This organization supplies a much needed respite, mutual support and positive activities free of charge. Just hop over to their webpage and take a look at the photos of their Carowinds trip if you want to see a sea of smiling faces.

These Courageous Kidz are an inspiration to us all. Faced with the possibility of a short life span plagued with everything that goes along with cancer, they show us what it means to live courageously every day and motivate us to do the same. On their behalf I challenge YOU to live courageously.

PS - We'll figure out how to post the letters from the families and share those with you soon.

Piedmont Progressive Playschool

2010-12-16T23:41:00.004-05:00

We all want our children to receive the best start in life they possibly can. As loving Moms and Dads, we hug them, read to them, play creatively with them, feed them healthy foods, and teach them right from wrong.

And we educate them. From their first breath, they are learning from what we purposely teach and from everything that is happening around them. One of the biggest decisions we make for our children in those early years is where to send them to preschool.

Mary Coppola and Susan Burns are the kind of mom who take that decision very seriously. They met in 2001 when their children were attending the same school. Though it was a long drive, they were willing to make that drive on behalf of their children. And yet, they also shared a dream for similar preschool closer to their homes.

They had a perfect blueprint available in the philosophy developed by Sue Riley, a highly respected educator in Charlotte, NC who also offered her direct guidance to help the school get up and running. All three women agreed that the school should promote freedom of thought and action for young children, and that it should embrace a strong sense of aesthetics.

And Piedmont Progressive Playschool was born.

The school has grown from a single multi-age classroom to a full program for two to five year olds plus some of the most creative summer camps imaginable. Can’t you just picture the fun of Fairy Tales and Dragon Scales? Knights, fair maidens, and castles come together through playing dress up and role playing as well as through art, reading, dance, and music making. Can grown ups come too if we promise to act like kids and allow our inner child out to play?

Or how about Earth and Me which explores our natural world with all fives sense by taking walks in the woods, playing with photography, making art from found objects, tending a garden, watching birds (turtles, bugs, lizards, snails, and frogs), and keeping a nature journal. Sign me up!

And every kid loves to play with food, right? Stir It Up invites little chefs to work together preparing food to share with each other as well as treats of the birds and their furry friends at home. Imagine the fun of imaginary play, art projects, sewing projects, caring for foods growing in the garden, even composting. Yummm!!!!

Though Mary and Susan “retired” in 2005 so they could spend more time with their own children, the school has continued to grow under the leadership of dedicated patents and staff. And that’s just as it should be. Everyone working together to ensue that kids have the best childhood possible, filled with opportunities to learn and play and love.

The motto at Piedmont Progressive Playschool is “Play is Powerful.” Sounds like a motto we could all adopt!

To learn more visit http://www.progressivepreschool.org/index.html

Louie's Kids

2010-12-15T22:45:00.013-05:00

Growing up is hard under any circumstances, but for the 25 million American kids classified as obese it’s even more challenging. In fact, one third of America’s children are considered either obese or overweight which robs them of basic joys in life and leads to the even greater problems of diabetes, heart disease, and stroke. Even worse, this is the first generation expected to have a shorter life expectancy that their parents.

Something must change.

Education is helpful and important, but for kids who are already afflicted treatment is vital. That’s where Louie’s Kids comes in. Let’s meet a few of the kids.

To look at Deon Seabrook today, you would never know he was 40 pounds overweight as a teen and worried that the weight was threatening his health and hopes and dreams. Through Louie’s Kids, Deon was able to lose 40 pounds in 6 months which he has kept off. This super confidence booster has changed his entire lifestyle to one of “Can Do.” Deon is a young man with big plans and a determination to make them happen. He sings in his church choir, recently attended his Senior Prom, and is preparing for high school graduation. He will be attending Allen University in SC next fall. Deon says, “I'm now very
dedicated and will continue to be.”

Dequan and Trequan are 7th graders who first became involved with Louie’s Kids through their school’s Fit Club. Completing the program and losing weight motivated the boys to set another ambitious goal – making their school’s football team. Knowing that would take even more work and dedication, they joined Louie’s Kids Run Buddies. Both boys lost more weight, got even more healthy, and both made the team! They credit Louie’s Kids with helping them set and achieve goals and with providing the education and treatment to make it happen.

For kids like Deon, Dequan, and Trequan, Louie’s Kids is far more than just a fitness program. Their entire lives have been changed for the better.

Louie’s Kids is the brain child of Louis Yuhasz. Founded in 2001 in Alexandria, VA to honor of his father, the organization now serves economically disadvantaged kids nationwide through its Fit Club and Run Buddies programs.

At the time of his death, Louis’ father, known as Big Louie, weighed 550 pounds. The stroke that took his life probably could have been prevented if there had been a CAT scan machine large enough for him to fit in and detect what was happening. Louis grew up dealing with the humiliation of having people point and laugh at his father, yet he knew Big Louie as a hugely kind and compassionate man. “They didn't know our Dad and his tremendous heart; they only saw his tremendous size. Our Dad made us better human beings because of his compassion and fearlessness, and he never missed an opportunity to stand up for himself.” Louis knew it was the size of his heart, not the size of his body, that deserved to be seen. Yet he had also seen first-hand the many ways obesity could damage a life. Inspired by an Oprah episode, Louis began by sending just a couple of underprivileged kids to weight-loss camp and from that spark the Fit Club and Run Buddies programs have been born and helped many more kids.

For Louis, it’s personal. “To see the smiles on kids’ faces as they complete a climb up a rock wall, repel from one mountain to the next, hike 4.5 miles, participate in a sport (as opposed to warming the bench), or find a lifelong friend as so many of them have, is like no other experience I've known. I was able to feel the presence of my father and be with him there, which was an added blessing.”

Helping a child break free from a life of obesity and all the problems that brings not only changes the life of that child, it improves our entire community. We regain the potential that might have been lost. We positively impact medical costs. And we bring a little more joy into the world. On behalf of Louie’s Kids and all the kids they have served and will serve, thank you. Your contribution will make a difference.

Game On!

2010-12-14T21:22:00.002-05:00

Remember this?

“Hey, your chocolate is in my peanut butter!”
“Well, your peanut butter is in my chocolate!”
“Yummmmmmm………”

That’s how I am feeling this month with the launch of the Chicks Challenge Giving Game.

The game is simple – Every month, Chicks with Checks members nominate their favorite nonprofits by creating a fill-in-the-blank information web page. That information page is added to the Chicks Challenge game page. We all send our friends, families, and supporters to the game page to “vote” for their favorites with their Donation Dollars.* The organization receiving the largest number of votes “wins” the membership donation plus their own voting Donation Dollars and any matching grants. All other nominees receive their own donation dollars. That’s it.

Nominate.
Vote.
Donate.
Repeat.

Think “Pepsi Refresh meets fundraising.” Every month.

This is exciting for so many reasons I hardly know where to begin. Perhaps starting with a little story might help.

The idea for Chicks with Checks began hatching five years ago due to some big changes in my life. The part of the story about surviving cancer and wanting to shift my business and my giving has been told many times and is on the Chicks with Checks website http://www.chickswithchecks.org so I’ll pick it up from there.

In the beginning, the idea was hazy at best and mostly in the form of questions. What if we had a social club that focused on giving instead of Bunco or Bridge? What if we pooled our money and found local nonprofits to support? At that point, I knew about investment pools and garden clubs, but had never heard of social networks or giving circles. Hint: When the cosmos taps you on the shoulder with a little idea that wants to Live Large, be prepared.

One evening, I met a dear friend at a local restaurant for a gal pals catch up. We chatted business for a bit, I shared the glimmer of this idea, and then we closed our day with a glass of wine. And that’s when Fate stepped in.

As two gentlemen walked past, one accidently knocked my Daytimer onto the floor. As he apologized profusely, he struck up conversation and when he heard what we were discussing, got all excited. I needed to meet his girlfriend. She was on her way to the restaurant. She was the Executive Directive of a nonprofit he was sure I’d never heard of and needed to. See what I mean?

A tall, beautiful blond woman walked in about then. He introduced us and we were off and running like two magpies. Suddenly, she stopped, looked me straight in the eye, and said, “So when are you going to start?” I looked right back and without skipping a beat asked, “You want to go first?”

We held the first gathering in my home with a few of my friends. The very next week, the phone rang. It was a nonprofit who wanted to know how they could become a beneficiary. Things were off and running and I was hanging on for dear life.

Calls started coming in from nonprofits around the country and so did calls from women wanting to start chapters. Only problem was the communities weren’t matching up and we were having to tell too many nonprofits they had to wait for a local chapter. There had to be a better way.

That better way is the Chicks Challenge Giving Game. Now any nonprofit can be a beneficiary without waiting for a local chapter. Now any member’s favorite nonprofits can be a beneficiary as often as they like no matter where they are located.

Once again, we needed someone willing to “Go First” and I am delighted to present Louie’s Kids, Courageous Kidz, and Piedmont Progressive Preschool as our first Chicks Challenge beneficiaries. How perfect to have kid-themed organizations for this holiday season launch!

I’ll be sharing more about each organization later this week. In the meantime, please visit http://www.razoo.com/p/holiday-04-chicks-challenge to learn more about them and about Chicks Challenge.

Turns out, taking Chicks with Checks virtual and viral is lot like combining chocolate and peanut butter – a combination so naturally delicious, you wonder why no one else had thought of it. It’s the perfect way to have even more fun raising friends and funds for our all-important local nonprofits. Come play with us!

Happy Giving!

* Though only members can nominate, anyone an vote.

Give Your Favorite Nonprofit $12,500 (Without Writing the Check Yourself)

2010-12-03T11:58:00.002-05:00

Chicks with Checks is doing something HUGE and very special this holiday season and we need your help to make it happen.

Our goal is to give someone’s favorite local nonprofit, maybe your favorite organization, $12,500 to start the New Year. To do that, we must increase membership to 500 Chicks (and Dudes) before the end of the year. Are you on board?

We are so excited to introduce the monthly online Chicks Challenge Giving Game. Think the “Pepsi Refresh” as fundraising!

Here’s how you can play and how your favorite nonprofit can win:

1. Become a Chicks with Checks member. Dudes with Dollars are also welcome!
2. Nominate your favorite nonprofit. Visit www.chickswithchecks.org for complete nominating guidelines.
3. Forward this email along with a personal message from you and inspire at least 5 friends to become members. Then they can nominate their own favorite nonprofits.
4. VOTE! Send your family, friends, the organization’s supporters, your Facebook contacts, EVERYONE to the campaign site. Every donation dollar counts as one vote.

As a Chicks with Checks member, you can now nominate your favorite local nonprofits every month. No more waiting for a chapter in your area. No more “one organization per month” or “once per year” limits.

What’s in it for you? Activating and increasing your own receiving, that’s what! According to the Law of Giving, the Giver becomes the Receiver becomes the Giver becomes the Receiver in a cycle of ever-flowing bounty. One of the most powerful ways to access that flow is to practice the principle of Seed Money in which everything you give comes back to you tenfold. Chicks with Checks is a fun and budget-friendly way to systematically give to worthy causes to activate your own Seed Money returns. Plus, you will also connect with a vibrant, supportive community of Givers and Receivers where you can share stories, learn, and grow.

Join
Nominate
Invite
VOTE

It’s that easy!

Happy Giving!

Is There Such a Thing as Giving Too Much?

2010-11-16T09:29:00.001-05:00

The Law of Giving says simply “The Giver becomes the Receiver becomes the Giver becomes the Receiver...” in a never-ending bountiful flow. Like any natural law, though, there are underlying principles that can either magnify or diminish the results we get as we learn to apply the Law. For example, the Principle of Money in Motion©, also known as the Seed Money Principle, can greatly enhance the outcome of The Law of Giving. However, when the Giver is not open to Receive or if the Receiver doesn’t know how to give, the cycle will be broken. The cycle can also be broken when the Giver tries to impose their giving or when the Receiver tries to take more than is being offered.

I recently received a sharp lesson in accidently using diminishing principles.

A woman came into my life through a series of seemingly random and highly unlikely events, the kind that cause me to say things like “What are the odds of that happening?” or “The Universe sure did go to a lot of trouble to bring us together. Wonder what that’s about?” She needed some work done which I am well-qualified to do, but in reality there are lots of people who could do the same work; she didn’t need to turn up on my doorstep to get it done. After taking a look at what she desired, it was clear that she was wanting to move into more fully living her Life Purpose and that the requested work would help her achieve that goal. Since I firmly believe that part of my Life Purpose is to help other people achieve theirs, I happily gave her a bargain basement price to do the work. I also gave her lots of valuable resources for free and lots of samples to work with to help her complete her part of the project. Oh what a happy little giver I was!

The trouble began almost immediately and things deteriorated rapidly. Though I was hurt and baffled at first, the accusations and anger became so bizarre that it was soon obvious something else was going on.

And that’s when it hit me.

Yes, the Law of Giving states that “The Giver becomes the Receiver becomes the Giver becomes the Receiver” in a never-ending flow of reciprocity. That’s pretty straightforward, but remember we also have to be heedful of those underlying principles. Remember that if the Giver tries to impose their giving, even with the best of intentions, the cycle is broken. This incident gave me deep new insight into what that really means.

Up until this happened, I had “assumed” that imposing giving meant trying to “make” someone receive something they didn’t want or need or enjoy. I “assumed” it was the kinds of things people give because it makes them feel good to give it even if it makes the Receiver feel crummy to receive it. The goofy example might be the horrible sweater your Great Aunt Martha knitted for you and expects you to show off at your office holiday party even though you would rather swallow arsenic than be caught in public wearing it. A more serious example could be the advice your best friend gives and expects you to take no matter what, and will be offended if you don’t at great peril to your friendship. In both of these examples, there are strings attached in the form of expectations that you must accept not only the gift, but also the conditions of using the gift, in order to please the Giver. That pretty much negates the giving.

Turns out, there’s another kind of imposing: Trying to give someone more than they are ready to receive even if it is exactly what they need and want and have asked for and believe they would enjoy. Guess this could be called the “Fire Hose Principle.” In this case, it doesn’t really matter if what you are offering is a perfect match to what they have requested - it may be “too much too soon.” If they are not yet open to receive that request, they will feel pressured and will probably lash out at you. What’s really happening is that they are having a head-on collision with their own resistance and are experiencing the normal and natural need to make that someone else’s fault. None of us ever wants to admit that we are blocking our own receiving! Of course, it had not occurred to me that giving too much too soon was a form of imposing. I just saw it as generosity!

In the case of this woman, the more she complained that she wasn’t getting enough, the more I gave. The more I gave, the stronger her resistance became and the more successfully she blocked her own receiving. The more I tried to give, the wilder and more panicky her responses got. That was the real clue. Creating self-barriers to receiving the work she had requested was really a subconscious protective measure, something we have all done. If she accepted this work, she would no longer have an excuse for not stepping into her Life Purpose, and by her own admission she was still dealing with a lot of fear and self-doubt. I’m confident she genuinely thinks the problem was me; that truly is her reality.

Like many of life’s lessons, this one was painful, but have you also discovered that some of the most painful lessons are also the most powerful and profound? With the best of intentions, I had overstepped my bounds triggering anger on her part and pain for both of us.

So perhaps there can be such a thing as giving “too much.” The truth is that I heard and felt warning signals early on and barged full steam ahead anyway without stopping to find out what they were about. I chose to ignore those warning signs because “obviously” I had exactly what she needed! Maybe that means it became more about me giving what I wanted to give than what she was ready to receive. And, yes, that’s a textbook definition of imposing!

The Law of Giving is still a Master Key. It precedes the Law of Attraction (What you give your attention to is what you receive) and is the power behind the Law of Love (Love your neighbor as yourself and yourself as a divine being created in god’s own image). In fact, The Law of Giving is the foundation for all natural laws (What you give is what you get). And if the learning curve for implementing any natural law sometimes feels a lot like Mr. Toad’s Wild ride as it did this time, well, just remember how much we all love Disney World!

Happy Giving

Align Expand Succeed

2010-10-18T22:41:00.003-04:00

Something very important is happening October 19, 2010...

If you’re a conscious entrepreneur or know someone who is I am thrilled to share a special book with you that anyone who is ready to increase their commitment to running a conscious business should read.

This book is sure to transform how people around the globe conduct business. It’s definitely no longer business as usual.

In Align, Expand and Succeed, Shifting the Paradigm of Entrepreneurial Success, you’ll meet 40 extraordinary men and women, including solopreneurs, healers, CEOs of multimillion dollar corporations, doctors, speakers, radio hosts, coaches – men and women who answered the call to share their insights and inspiration of what it took to live their truth as conscious entrepreneurs, a truth that has brought them happiness, joy and abundance.

Their individual and collective experiences will touch you, amaze you, and impact the way you view business – forever!

Enjoy a unique experience with 40 men and women who dared to step into living in integrity, inspiration and passion.

Align, Expand, and Succeed is in perfect alignment with the Chicks with Checks philosophy of the Giver becomes the Receiver becomes the Giver becomes the Receiver…

As Michael Port shared in the foreword of this transformational book:

Ask yourself: What am I really doing? Am I truly happy in my work? Am I serving in the best way possible? Am I contributing in the way I’m meant to? Is there more than this? And if there is, what is it and how do I find it?

It is exciting to see a book like Align, Expand and Succeed: Shifting the Paradigm of Entrepreneurial Success offer answers to these profound personal questions. If you want to connect deeply with your purpose so you can stand in the service of others as you stand in the service of your destiny, this book can be your muse.

Align, Expand and Succeed will affect you for years to come. If you want (real) entrepreneurial success - on your own terms - buy this book.”

~Michael Port
New York Times Bestselling Author of The Think Big Manifesto and Book Yourself Solid

Order your copy TODAY and receive over 100 FREE GIFTS

www.aesbook.com

The Perfect Holiday Gift for Conscious Entrepreneurs Everywhere!

Sending love your way,

Anne

Cultivate a Culture of Kindness

2010-08-15T19:29:00.002-04:00

Would you be willing to implement a culture of kindness in your home or company? That’s what Lisa Cotter Metwaly of Q Kindness Café in St. Paul is proposing.

All too often the Golden Rule is preached – literally - and yet it sometimes seems as if the general practice more closely resembles “Do unto others what they have done unto you” or “Do unto others when they have a specific need.” It isn’t really that we are overtly mean; in fact, most of us truly have great intentions. It’s just that we seem to react more often than we pro-act. We get busy and before we know it, we’re bringing casseroles when someone is sick (reacting) instead of when they are well (pro-acting).

Maybe that’s why Lisa’s idea struck such a deep chord. It’s so simple, but oh-my-goodness what could happen as a result. She suggests that we all designate the first week of each month as Celebrate Kindness Week. During that week, we each consciously initiate just one kind act each day and invite our families, friends, and employees/colleagues to join us. Simple things such as sharing something, calling someone to wish them well, letting someone go ahead of you in the checkout line, treating someone anonymously, sending a note or “thinking of you” email (not a forward), sincerely complimenting someone, smiling at strangers on the street, washing the dishes when it isn’t your turn. Use your imagination!

Then pay attention to what comes next because I can promise you it will be magic.

If the recipient notices and thanks you, share what’s up and invite them to join in by initiating an act of kindness of their own. Then you give a second act of kindness by allowing it to be their decision with no pressure or further input from you. If they don’t notice or thank you, treat it as an intentional anonymous gift and give the second act of kindness by allowing them to receive (or not) as they are able. Got a curmudgeon in your midst? The alchemy of kindness can transform the surliest of people!

But even more importantly, watch what happens in your own life. When you give kindness, you will literally be blown away by what you receive because giving kindness clears the space for you to receive kindness and lovely surprises of all variety. Consciously giving kindness always benefits both the giver and the receiver.

When you neglect or refuse to give kindness, your own “house” becomes cluttered with selfishness or worse. In a cluttered house, there is no room for you to receive. When you neglect or refuse to give kindness, you close yourself off from receiving kindness and won’t even notice those times when it is given to you. You could be the intended recipient yet unable to receive. You could literally die longing for kindness and seeking it elsewhere, blind to what is right before your eyes, never understanding the work that is required to receive kindness or keep it coming. We all want to receive kindness, but what are you willing to give in order to receive what you want? Start giving it now. Give first. THAT is the work that is required to open your eyes and to receive.

Are you in? Shall we unite and share the kindness that surrounds us? My guess is that once we start to consciously give kindness we won’t be able to contain it to one week a month.

And please be so kind as to share your results at the Q Kindness Café, 350 St. Peter Street, Saint Paul, MN or on Facebook at the Q Kindness Café Group http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Saint-Paul-MN/The-Q-Kindness-Cafe/177961346376?ref=ts&__a=24&ajaxpipe=1

Kindness is contagious. Start an epidemic!

Showing Up and Doing What It Takes

2010-06-03T20:56:00.001-04:00

Showing Up and Doing What It Takes

Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Martin Luther King had said “Someone really should do something about civil rights,” then left it at that? What if he had thought “doing something” was too big a risk, or he wasn’t worthy of leading the charge, or he wasn’t sure what step to take first, or was having a bad day when the notion bubbled up, or simply let the thought drift on past, observed but not acted upon? What would have happened if he had not allowed himself to Show Up and Do What It Takes to Be who he was born to be? What will happen if YOU don’t allow yourself to Show Up and Do What It Takes to Be who you are born to be?

My dear friend Amie writes a wonderful blog titled “My Existential Musings,” and I’ve been doing some existential musing myself lately, partially triggered by a comment from another dear friend, Kathleen. She admitted to being frustrated (annoyed?) by smart, hard-working people who claim they want their lives and businesses to thrive, but didn’t appear willing to do what it takes to make that happen. That got me wondering about what it really means to show up and do what it takes and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks – we have misidentified the starting point and some pretty crucial steps.

We could all take a lesson from the garden. No matter how much we’d like them to, plants don’t just pop out of the ground fully grown and blooming. I remember well the frustration of trying to grow ivy as a ground cover in my first “real” yard. I carefully prepared the earth, gently planted the baby ivies, watered and fertilized, then eagerly awaited a lush expanse of gorgeous green. Instead, they just sat there, neither growing nor dying, looking pretty darn lazy. Surely something was wrong! So I called my Mom who has the gift of being able to plant a broomstick and have it sprout roses, and she reminded me of the old proverb regarding ivy – The first year it sleeps, the second year it creeps, the third year it leaps. Hmmmmmm….

That baby plant may look as if it is napping (that’s what babies do, after all!), but it’s really hard at work adjusting to its new world and growing from the inside out. Virtually every ounce of energy it can get is going into creating the root system that will support and sustain it throughout its life. Guess that is important work and I’ll just have to work on being patient.

The second year was a little better. The baby ivies had decided they were happy in my yard and began tentatively putting out new leaves and tendrils. But only a few. By that time, my human baby had gone from being a cherub in the crib to the climbing queen, so why weren’t my baby ivies venturing further afield? Mom to the rescue again, explaining the Catch-22 of plant growth. While each new leaf gave the baby ivy more opportunity to soak up sunshine and water and fertilizer, it also took more energy to support that expansion. So just as Baby Caroline took a nap every afternoon to recharge and go again, Baby Ivy was dividing its energy between growing roots (napping) and growing leaves (running and playing). Darn. More patience.

The third year, though, something magical happened. Having decided they really liked my yard and the TLC they received – TLC that included the time and space to put down roots, grow strong stems, and pretty up the green leaves – the baby ivies suddenly scampered off in every direction, rapidly covering my flower bed with the luxuriant green carpet I had envisioned only three short years before. Turns out those baby ivies were pretty wise. They knew the value of investing time and energy into getting their bearings, gathering what they needed, and growing into the type of robust plants that could sustain growth. It may not have looked as if they were doing much of anything to me, but they knew all along that if they tried to grow too fast without first investing in personal growth they would end up weak and stunted instead of healthy. They knew that trying to produce too much too soon would keep them from fulfilling their life mission of being fully actualized grown-up ivies. So they placidly ignored my impatient pleas to grow faster, produce sooner, and grant me instant gratification, and instead heeded their own inner ivy voice, fully focused on doing what it really takes so they could show up and be the ivies they were meant to be.

Of course, their work wouldn’t ever be over. Throughout their lives, they would need to re-invest in personal development, slurping up sunshine and water, resting regularly, ensuring that their roots stayed robust, and adding new leaves - all so they could weather the ups and downs of nature and be prepared for both expansion opportunities and adversity when they hit. Investing in personal growth would be a lifestyle for these baby ivies. And so it is for us.

From the moment we are born, we are bombarded with new ideas and opportunities and relationships, and with each one we are also presented with a second and sometimes hidden gift - the opportunity to grow into being the person who can fully step into this exciting new thing. Often that personal growth gift comes disguised as something we have always "hated" doing and previously avoided, or as something that has always annoyed us. Pay close attention to those clues! What feels like a head-on collision may actually be the gateway we are seeking. Our hearts may already be filled with giving and loving and a keen desire to manifest this new thing even while our habits are still stuck in some old fears including entitlement, avoidance, unworthiness, ego, doubt, anger, judgment, fear of failure, fear of success, unforgiveness, jealousy, or simply not yet open to receive.

Any time we undertake something new, the universe in its infinite wisdom and kindness also delivers us these additional gifts of life lessons that hit all our buttons, jangle every nerve, and throw us face-to-face with our biggest fears and avoidances. We can cheerily embrace these secondary but crucial gifts, or crawl back into our hole and pretend we never saw them. We could also run off and start something else new, forever addicted to that start-up high when everything is fresh and exciting. Of course, these choices only keep us frustrated and stuck in a loop, never quite reaching our heart’s desires. Our growth remains stunted, our heart’s desires always seem just out of reach, and the world that is waiting for us to show up must wait – again. Until we are ready to invest in our own growth.

Investing in growing into becoming the person who can, in sleeping and creeping, is the real first step. To those who are on the outside it may appear as if we are not yet doing anything, but look inside and ask yourself if you are doing the inner work. If so, your foot is already on the path. Those who continue to seek always find. And never forget - when we try to by-pass that essential inner step and rush into outer action, even at the well-intentioned urging of “experts,” we almost always stumble and may fall.

The real starting point is hidden beneath the surface, in the quietude of drawing energy in for putting down roots and growing into becoming the person who can step into “being” this new opportunity.
Those baby ivies knew something I was still learning. For optimal growth, drawing inward for rest and nourishment is just as important as taking outer action. That first year, they looked as if they were just sitting there doing nothing, mocking me for investing the time in giving them the tools to grow and flourish. Instead, they were quietly gathering strength for their growth spurt and building their foundation for becoming who they were meant to be. What a powerful lesson - Staying YOUR course rather than accepting what others think your course should be.

Sleep. Creep. Leap.

Become.

2010-04-26T22:51:00.000-04:00

Make a scrapbook design

Hurt Feelings and Cosmic Lollipops

2010-03-31T15:00:00.009-04:00

My feelings are hurt. Or maybe I’m mad. Either way, it doesn’t feel good.

Not too long ago, a dear friend’s integrity was questioned because she wouldn’t allow someone to twist an organization for personal advantage. So she was blamed for “misrepresenting” the organization. Shortly before that, another friend saw a business relationship blow up because she stood firm to the agreements that had been reached. So she was blamed for “misrepresenting” her level of dedication. Recently, a vendor quit because I stopped accepting his excuses and wouldn’t give yet another extension. So I was blamed for “misrepresenting” the project.

Is it just me or is there a pattern here?

Oh yes there is definitely a pattern and we have all bemoaned the deterioration of responsibly and the proliferation of blame, but right now what interests me more is the person who has been targeted simply for standing true…because when it happened to me, my feelings got hurt and I got mad. In other words, I took it personally.

It never feels good to be falsely accused even when it is the result of a genuine misunderstanding, but when it is malicious or spiteful or someone is lashing out for not getting their own way or to avoid accepting their own responsibility, it eats at the core of your heart and soul. It just feels wrong.

There seems to have been a sharp rise in the philosophy that the best way to deal with not getting your own way or with being held accountable is to blame the other person. But for those of us consciously trying to live a collaborative, co-creative, loving lifestyle, there is often a different tendency - and frankly it is just as bad - to go overboard with giving the benefit of the doubt and making allowances, perhaps out of a misguided belief that we are simply being kind and respectful. Unfortunately, when we finally do draw the line, that other person gets twice as mad and vengeful because we’ve let the situation go on too long. To make matters worse, we conscientious types often beat ourselves up and take ownership of both the original problem and the other person’s reaction, which essentially lets them off the hook - exactly the response they were hoping for! Or we worry ourselves silly over who might believe such nastiness. Unfortunately, all that agonizing and/or self-blame only strengthens the false accusations and the downward spiral continues. Harrumph!

Call me crazy, but what I really wanted to do with this vendor was to broadcast every reason I was NOT WRONG to everyone else in the loop. It wasn’t about being right. Really. I don’t buy into the viewpoint that someone has to be wrong so someone else can be right. It’s just that I didn’t do anything wrong and didn’t like being falsely accused just so someone else could dodge responsibility for their own part in co-creating the misunderstanding. It hurt and I wanted to feel better.

When falsely accused, the natural reaction is to want to set the record straight, to show definitively why we are NOT WRONG. When my friends were questioned, they took it to heart, too, but what we each failed to realize was this - even though we were dedicated to figuring out where things had gone awry and discovering how we had participated in co-creating the situation, the other person was really only interested in proving that they were right. Period. It was never a level playing field, and by agonizing over our part, we played right into their hands. Surely there is a better way than this mangled train wreck of an outcome!

In each of these scenarios, trust and boundaries were having a major collision. Did we feel our intuition nibbling at the edges of our consciousness as the situation built, yet brushed it away? Did we continue trusting someone who was giving signals, subtle or strong, that things were going south, rather than trusting our own inner voice? By trusting indiscriminately (Remember: some people are not coming from a place of love) and by not maintaining healthy boundaries of our own, we are inviting this outcome over and over. (Darn it, there’s that pesky “look in the mirror first” thing again.)

When a blowup does happen, what do you do? Turn the other cheek? (In order to gain a new perspective, not begging to be hit again, right?) Climb up on the NOT WRONG soapbox? (You’re not saying you are right, mind you, just declaring you are NOT WRONG!) Or do we shrug our shoulders with a "Whatever," then get over it and move on. Learning to step back and say “hmmmmmmm” as if we were a purely objective observer is crucial, and that slight delay lets us put things into better perspective. One of my favorite things to say when someone does something mean or goofy is “That’s their little karma to work out.” The more I say it, the more I believe it, and the more I can step back and not take it all quite so personally. And then my feelings don’t get hurt do much. I’m getting better at it. Honest!

Dr. David Gruder, author of The New IQ, his definitive book on the importance of nurturing our Integrity Quotient, says, “What captures my attention far more than whether we speak up, turn the other cheek, or select other possible responses, are these questions: how do we inwardly free ourselves from feeling attacked and how do we discover our highest guidance about which way(s) to best respond to our particular false accusation situation. Just as crucial is our ability to transform un-asked-for, undesired, and even unacceptable life experiences into blessings. This is the life skill that immunizes us from being permanently damaged, psychologically or spiritually, by our undesired life experiences.”

There is a great divide happening in humankind these days. One the one side are the folks who are striving to live more consciously, to be kinder and choose more happiness, to live in a state of love. On the other side are the folks still trapped in “It’s all about me.” Their fate is to live in a perpetual state of fear, knowingly or unknowingly, lashing out like small threatened animals and blaming others for their circumstances, often trapped in criticism and anger. One of the very real results of this divide will be a rise in exactly these types of confrontations. We need to be prepared and that comes from consciously developing discerning trust and healthy boundaries. And we need to allow ourselves to feel good about taking this stand.

So it’s time for some grownup cosmic lollipops.

As children, when our feelings got hurt or the doctor gave us a shot or we skinned our knees, Mom gave us a lollipop to make us feel better. As adults, feeling better is in our own hands, and what genuinely soothes us and helps us feel less vulnerable is to build our own ability to step back and not get so caught up personally. Because it really isn’t about us anyway. It’s about their fear-induced need to be right, to make someone else wrong, to cover their tracks, to blame someone else for their circumstances. For us, that means learning to be objective as well as compassionate.

Strength-building comes from honing our ability to observe rather than react, to grow our discernment muscles, and to monitor our boundaries. And cosmic lollipops? As children, lollipops are made of sugar and flavoring and have no nutritional value. Plus the soothing effect only lasts as long as the candy, leaving us craving more sweets. How convenient that grownup cosmic lollipops, the things that make us feel better, are chock full of good-for-us ingredients that not only make us better human beings, but also build our strength while creating a craving for more good stuff. Yum!

When you’ve messed up, admit it. But for those times when you’ve been falsely accused, look at it as a gift, the perfect opportunity for some emotional weight lifting and lollipop licking. My favorite flavor is dark cherry. What’s yours?

The Face of Fear

2010-03-02T09:31:00.006-05:00

This past weekend seems to have been a time of monumental shift for a lot of people including me. Stories of epiphanies and ah-ha’s, endings and beginnings, breakdowns and breakthroughs filled my Monday morning and my inbox. For me, there was a head-on collision with my own fear of success. It had been lurking in a dark corner of my mind all along, something I have spoken of and even taught about before, but never connected in quite this way.

In the South of my childhood way back in the 50s and 60s, little girls were not supposed to ask probing questions like “Why are women treated differently?” or “Why do black children go to different schools?” or “Why does the church teach us not to judge, then judge everyone who believes something different?” These were big questions for a little girl, and it didn’t help that grown-ups would say things like “Nice girls don’t ask such questions” instead of trying to answer. Didn’t I need to know these things? What if I got it wrong? Would they still love me? My child’s mind couldn’t understand what felt like conditional love and that was very scary. It felt unsafe. I felt afraid. Apparently, being different in any way was not acceptable. What I stored inside was that it was not OK to be Me, that if people knew what I was really like, they wouldn’t like me. From there, was a short slide into “I am defective” with a thudding stop at “I am not worthy.”

Consider this: We all know the things we fear consciously, things like heights, public speaking, or snakes, but it’s the unconscious fears that really trip us up. What if your Number 1 fear is the fear of just being Yourself?

Monday morning, a dear friend was relating a story of being accused of acting out of integrity when it hit me – If I am afraid to fully be myself, then I am also afraid to be fully authentic. If I am afraid to be fully authentic, others will pick up on that holding back. If I am holding back, then I am not stepping fully into my purpose. If I am afraid to step fully into my purpose, others will sense it and will step away from me. Many won’t recognize it as fear, especially if I appear to be confident on the outside. If I appear confident on the outside and lack confidence on the inside, others will suspect a lack of congruence. Some will even think it means an underlying lack of integrity. Ouch!

My known fears have mostly been about external things – What if this client doesn’t click with me? What if the bookkeeper makes a mistake? What if someone wants me to jump out of a perfectly good airplane? And you know what? That made it easy. As long as they were outside of me, I couldn’t do anything about them. But did you notice something? They were all really about how someone else might treat me, whether it was OK to just be Me. Monday morning, I looked into the Face of Fear and saw only myself staring back. All those fears came down to a fear of how I might be received for simply being myself. They weren’t outside me at all. There was no one else to “blame,” nowhere else to point, no excuse to be made. Darn! Another “ouch.” It all came down to me accepting Me. If the client doesn’t click, love and respect myself anyway and move on. If the bookkeeper makes a mistake, apologize, fix it, and move on. If someone pressures me to jump out of a plane, just say NO and move THEM on! (That one was easy.)

What does all this have to do with success? Whether you know your purpose in life or are still trying to sort it out, success at the heart and soul level means being a good steward of your Life Mission. It’s the only place we will find everything we are seeking from financial wealth to love. The only way to fulfill your Life Mission is to fully be yourself - after all, that mission was given to you and only you with all your talents, skills, quirks, and challenges. Are you willing to show up? Are you willing to take a leap of faith and just be Yourself, warts and all?

Look into the Face of Fear and see who is looking back. I’m willing to bet you will see yourself and that’s good news. You are a grown-up now and can give that child the hug and sense of safety she needs. When you do, your own adult fears will also begin to melt away. And THAT feels like fearless success.

Happy New Year

2010-01-06T19:12:00.004-05:00

Bonne année…Prospero Año Nuevo… Prosit Neujahr… Sun nien fai lok… Gelukkig nieuwjaar… Hauoli Makahiki Hou… Shanah tovah… elamat Tahun Baru… no matter how you say it, Happy New Year!

Every January, we are offered a bright and shiny new year. What will you do with yours?

2009 was a difficult year for many of us, but I was shocked and dismayed to hear so many people say "Good riddance!" Was everything in the 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525,600 minutes, or 31,536,000 seconds of 2009 really awful? Laurie Hiltz of Critical Thinkers wrote in her Facebook blog about a woman she knew who was out of work and complaining bitterly that 2009 was a terrible year. Really? During that time, her long-dormant creative energy kicked in and she produced glorious gardens, turning her yard into a charming escape. She "garbage picked" and refinished beautiful pieces of furniture that led to others seeking her out to refinish their own treasures. She dug out her stored photos and created beautiful displays, transforming her basement into a warm and inviting living area. She provided generous amounts of time and energy to helping friends who were in dire circumstances. She had more time for family and friends. She laughed and loved and lived. Is this really the portrait of a horrible year? Maybe she didn't reach some of her goals and no, she didn't add to her financial security, but look at what she gained. Wittingly or unwittingly, consciously or unconsciously there had been growth, there had been success, and there had been forward movement. What's missing is gratitude. Even in the worst moments of our lives, good things are happening. When we focus in gratitude on those good things, the "bad" things are magically transformed. Every time.

I challenge you to make 2010 the year of gratitude. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Spike it if you want to, but make sure you enjoy and are grateful for each and every delicious drop!

Gratitude is contagious. Start an epidemic

Alchemy of Adversity

2009-12-05T22:52:00.005-05:00

There are thousands of ways to express the message of overcoming adversity; one of the most popular is “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” However, it often isn’t until we are tested personally and profoundly that we go beyond sound bites and enter into a place of deep understanding actually embodying this powerful principle.

In 2002, I experienced two life-changing events. First, I landed the largest contract of my entire career. It was a huge compliment after years of hard work and relationship-building. I excitedly hired new employees, rented spiffy new offices, and secretly counted the money and all the great referrals that were sure to come. Then right on the heels of that great news, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and started what would become a roller coaster ride lasting several years.

Though the fatigue was sometimes crushing, I was fortunate to get through the surgery, chemo, and radiation with no nausea. Then after the scary part was over, a raging infection coupled with a horrible reaction to Tamoxifen including relentless depression, paranoia, anxiety, and panic brought me to the lowest point of my life.

With no one trained yet to be second in command, my absence and inability to lead created an insurmountable obstacle. One employee even chose this time to embezzle. My emotional, spiritual, and physical health had deteriorated to the point where I could barely leave the house and my financial health was on the road to ruin, but three miracles occurred during that down time.

The first miracle was that I had time to finally finish developing the powerful coaching program I had toyed with for years. Clients, smart people, would bang their heads against the wall trying to figure out why they kept getting ripped up by the same old things. We may know that the problem is rooted in the personal experiences that have shaped why we do things the way we do, but it can be buried so deeply in our subconscious, we can remain stumped even after doing lots of personal development work, wondering what could still be holding us back or tripping us up or where that little gremlin is hiding. We are told to shift habits, make better choices, and monitor our thoughts, but wouldn’t we all do that if we just knew how? I was in a place where I desperately needed to shift my own thoughts and habits, but knew something was still lurking even though I had taught this stuff for years. Creating a simple, effective roadmap became a personal quest.

The second miracle was the creation of Chicks with Checks. In many communities including my own the same people always seem to turn up at business and networking events. And they are just so darn rigid with all their rules about giving your “elevator speech” and bringing leads. I was weary! What had happened to good old-fashioned conversation and relationships? And even though I was a lifelong hands-on philanthropist and volunteer, I was finding it hard to connect with local grassroots nonprofits. How could I find the local low profile, high impact non-profits who were on the front lines, doing the tough work in our communities every day? The two questions merged and Chicks with Checks was born with the idea of forming local chapters connected by a virtual community to raise awareness and funds for local nonprofits in a fun, easy way.

The third miracle is the best of all, the one that made everything worthwhile. By the time we are adults, we have all developed our share of bad habits and had our share of bad relationships. We have all collected a lot of stuff that we haul from house to house as we “move up.” When you are fighting for your life, there is no longer any energy or room to drag around all that baggage and it gets jettisoned in self-defense. The beauty is that releasing the junk frees us up to create something new and better. It literally makes room in our lives for the things we wanted all along, but could never quite find the time or make the space. Just as alchemy burns off everything except the gold, adversity can burn us down to our personal essence, making it possible to rise again with only the best of ourselves.

At the end of the movie Crazy, Sexy, Cancer, Kris Carr says “I would never call cancer a gift because I wouldn’t give it to you.” Fair enough. But here is what it gave to me. A clean slate. A new focus. It forced me to stop, to get off the treadmill, to think, to feel, to let go, to hang on.

I still wouldn’t wish cancer on my worst enemy, but today I am thankful it happened to me. And remember - No matter what happens, not matter how many lemons you are handed, make lemonade. Live. Really live. And spiking that lemonade with a little Vodka never hurt either!

Anne Newell
Founder
http://www.chickswithchecks.org/

Anne Newell, M.Ed., is an organizational consultant, executive coach, certified Grief Recovery® specialist, single mom, and cancer conqueror. Shortly after her first chemo treatment, Anne’s hair fell out and she began wearing a wig. Nothing unique about that, but in her case, a funny thing began happening – strangers started asking who did her hair! After the third or fourth incident, she wrote in her journal “Dear God, if you wanted me to change my hairdo, you could have just said so!” As she wondered what else might need changing, a turning point blossomed. Cancer became an opportunity to clean house, get rid of whatever needed to be gone, and define the next chapter in LIFE. So far, she has founded Chicks with Checks, indulged her passions by working in a book store and a wine shop (her credit card was NOT allowed to come to work with her), published two books, refocused her practice on women and nonprofits, traveled to Guatemala on a mission trip, and reconnected with her childhood sweetheart. She has managed to avoid jumping out of perfectly good airplanes.

NOTE: You may publish Chicks with Checks articles in your magazine, trade journal, newspaper, business journal, website and/or Ezine provided you keep them in their original form and include the resource box at the end.

How Do You Spell Love?

2009-11-30T20:33:00.000-05:00

How do you spell love? G-I-V-E All true love begins with giving - time, talent, money, affection - with a focus firmly rooted in the well-being of the recipient. The real secret is that when we give with no strings attached, the giver becomes the receiver becomes the giver becomes the receiver...

In this crazy economy, it's gotten all too common to hear people lament that they can't afford to give. The truth is, now more than ever we can't afford not to! It's simple science really. Take money, for example. If you hoard your money in fear that there won’t be enough, that’s like stuffing it into the proverbial mattress. That may sound like a nice safe hidey hole, but will more likely just suffocate and die, leaving you with even less. And you killed it! Or talent. What if the world is just aching for someone who can play the kazoo like you! Who knew? And what about you pack rats? You know who you are! You can’t ever throw anything away because you might need it “someday.” But someday never seems to come and your house is filled to the rafters with things you never use, but might need...someday.

Now take a look at each of these admittedly goofy examples. Go ahead, look deep. What do they all really have in common? They cut YOU off from receiving. And you did it to yourself. Ouch! By hoarding your money instead of putting it out there doing good and working as hard as you do, you cut yourself off from receiving more money. It can’t leverage by itself! By hiding your talent, you cut yourself off from receiving the satisfaction of doing what you do so well and the gratitude of your adoring admirers. (Here’s a little hint: Talent always comes in pairs – the person who can do it and the person who wants it done. So whatever it is you can do, even if it really is playing the kazoo, remember that someone is needing exactly that and YOU are depriving them. And by depriving them, you cut yourself off.) By saving stuff for “someday,” you cut yourself off from receiving the joy of living today – and your house is probably too jumbled to invite friends over for coffee or wine, depriving you of the warmth and coziness of a personal “nest.”

So are you getting the picture? All receiving starts with giving. All love starts with giving. All life starts with giving. Seems we have a theme going. Are you open to receive or are you cutting yourself off?

So go ahead and give a little. Give a little space. Give a little hug. Give a little atta-girl. Give a cup of coffee to the person in line behind you. Give a little smile to a stranger. Give those skinny jeans to Good Will. Give the dust bunnies to the trash bin. Give the dog a toss of his toy. And repeat after me. Love is spelled G-I-V-E.

Chicks with Checks Goes National - Press Release

2009-10-12T19:53:00.002-04:00

Chicks with Checks, a social and philanthropic organization that is redefining networking for women, now offers licensing opportunities nationwide. The successful program, launched in Charleston, SC in 2006, is loosely based on the increasingly popular giving circle concept; however Chicks with Checks is a conduit for charitable giving and social networking rather than a charitable entity itself.

“Chicks with Checks introduces women to a variety of local nonprofits in a fun social setting, and provides an easy and inexpensive way to lend support,” explains Anne Newell, founder of Chicks with Checks. “Giving circles maximize giving power, but Chicks with Checks also maximizes the power of awareness. We want women to learn about the positive things happening at the grass roots level in their community. It’s hard to support a good cause if you don’t know about it. And we want it to be fun without the stress of major event planning or donor cultivation.”

Chicks with Checks invites women to a monthly Party with a Purpose. Members and guests enjoy social and networking opportunities over a glass of wine or cup of coffee while that month’s featured beneficiary, a local non-profit, shares their mission conversationally. There is no rigid networking structure and no formal presentation. For Chicks with Checks members, their donation is already included in their monthly dues, while guests pay an amount similar to what they would have spent on an evening out. “Everyone benefits and everyone has a good time,” claims Newell. Women make a positive impact while enjoying a fun night out. The featured beneficiary receives a donation and reaches a new audience without the hassle of planning an event or campaign. And the host venue is exposed to new customers while supporting their community.

“We’ve had numerous calls from women excited about this idea who want to replicate it in their own communities, so we have created a licensing opportunity in response.” Newell says. “Whether she wants to add a home-based business as a stand alone or to compliment what she is already doing, whether she wants to network differently or simply give back to her community, Chicks with Checks can provide a woman with a means to do good and have fun while earning an income herself.” The new licensing package provides two options. The Basic License allows the licensee to build a single chapter in her community while the Business Builder License allows her to build her own chapter and also recruit chapter owners in other communities. For more information visit www.chickswithchecks.org

Giving from a Deep Well

2009-09-14T17:56:00.011-04:00

Spend the Afternoon (Hint: You Can't Take It with You) - Annie Dillard

We live about two blocks from a lovely lake in southern Minnesota. At one end is a sandy beach complete with playground and picnic shelters. At the other is a hill that magically transforms into the neighborhood ski slope come winter. In between, is a small dock which I’m sharing today with a couple of silent fishermen. (That's my view in the photo.) In a few months, the lake will be frozen and those same fishermen will be huddled over holes cut into the ice, but today, it is 82 degrees and mostly sunny, a rarity in this mild summer we’ve just had. An afternoon to be savored.

But there is work to do! After all, it’s Monday and the workweek began bright and early. There are blogs to write, website maintenance to be done, our first MN Party with a Purpose happening tomorrow. But the lake was calling, murmuring my name clearly, so today’s blog post is being brought to you from the shores of Crystal Lake because, quite frankly, I needed a productivity boost. Today, I am practicing what I preach.

The Chicks with Checks motto is “Do good….have FUN!” for a whole bunch of very good reasons that can be summed up easily: when we are depleted, we have nothing to give, and having fun is a big part of filling ourselves up.

When our financial coffers get low, we know what to do, and we take action quickly and decisively. We get a better job or add a second one. We spend less. We weigh our spending decisions more carefully. But when our life coffers get low, we make excuses, blaming work or busy-ness, and just keep pushing on doing the same old stuff until we are exhausted and….depleted.

At Google, goofing off is built into the job description. Employees are instructed to spend 20% of their work time doing something completely non-work-related whether it is playing, napping, or just zoning out. As crazy as that sounds, there is method to Google’s madness. A list of studies longer than your arm have clearly shown that taking time out can jump start your concentration, problem solving, productivity, and creativity when you return from your mini-break. In fact, Gmail and Google News are direct results of this free-time policy.

America has become the No-Vacation Nation. We are getting fewer and fewer days off which has far more ominous implications than less time spent at the beach. This completely out-of-whack work-life imbalance negatively affects our health, our relationships, our well-being, even our productivity, and the costs are escalating faster than the national deficit.

Even if you love your work, it’s still work and chances are your paycheck is tied to doing it well. So you work longer and harder. And home isn’t safe either. That Honey-Do list just gets longer and longer whether or not you are sharing the load with a honey. So we push pleasure to the back burner with excuses like “when I have enough time, money, fill in the blank.” Bad move. A relentless focus on staying busy is guaranteed to backfire. Instead, we get diminishing returns that can only diminish us. Working harder and longer can really work against you.

But before we point a finger at the evil corporate empire, we might want to take a look in the mirror. The real obstacle in the way of taking more frequent breaks is our own mistaken notion about the role of down time in our over-scheduled days. How can we justify being idle when there are so many things we “should” be doing? Pay attention, boys and girls, because the key to getting through all those “shoulds” and wringing more from our über busy day might be a healthy dose of leisure.

I tend to get my best ideas while in the shower or taking a walk or driving. (If you see me on the road with a notebook propped against the steering wheel, you might want to get out of the way. Just a thought.) The reason is simple: I’m not trying. My brain is roaming free, skipping around like a little kid, free-wheeling and free-associating. Slogging along trying to force an ah-ha moment just makes me frustrated and stressed and I end up blocking my own creativity.

Which brings us back to the lake. I wanted to write today, honest. But it’s Monday and my energy needed a little boost. So the laptop and I took a wee walk, enjoying the last flowers of summer and the leaves that are beginning to turn. And guess what? While watching the fish glide silently under the dock and the ducks glide not so silently across the surface, inspiration struck and the words flowed effortlessly.

Pulitzer prize-winning author Annie Dillard says “Spend the afternoon. You can’t take it with you.” Good advice. Because how we spend our days is how we make up the days of our lives. If you want to give from a deep well, replenish it often.

Lesson over. Go play. That’s an order!

The Golden Rule - Universal Style

2009-09-08T22:10:00.014-04:00

Dawn Walls Bain is one of my favorite people in the world. She is always a well-spring of inspiring information: some pieces she has written herself, others she has the generosity to pass along. I'm convinced that she gets up every morning asking "How can I best use my talents today? What can I give today?" She is an accomplished writer, musician, entrepreneur, and minister.

She is also one of my 27 first cousins. Yes, you read that right! She has been a dear friend, spiritual travel buddy, and cohort in crime ever since we were little kids running around barefoot on our grandparents' farm in northern Florida. With that many of us, we had to learn the Golden Rule out of necessity. You KNEW any mean-spirited prank would come back to haunt you, and the payback would be 10 times worse than whatever you had dished out in the first place. Those early lessons have served us all well - most of us have grown up be the kind of people who actively practice this simple philosophy.

A few days ago, Dawn shared some thoughts on the universality of the Golden Rule with our Good Life community at http://www.protogeniaproject.com/. I wanted to share them with you as well.

The Golden Rule
Thoughts from the Rev. Dawn Walls Bain

I just wanted to share a special heart message this morning. Remember the clever book titled Don’t sweat the Small Stuff? As I read the different faith’s interpretations of The Golden Rule below, I am reminded that we are not so different from other faiths or religions. We seem to get caught up in the differences rather than the similarities. If we step back and think about it, the differences really are “small stuff” as we are all children of the same God.

In my teachings, I always share that I dislike the word “tolerance,” for if you tolerate something there is still something you are not comfortable with for whatever reason. Most of the time, I have found it to be fear of the unknown. For example: A new neighbor moves in next door to you. The father wears a wrap around his head as a covering. You just ignore him and find it odd that he would do such a thing. You do not even wish him a good day when he speaks – you turn your head and pretend you did not hear him, perhaps for fear of what others might think if you talk to someone who is so different than our American cultural way of dressing. If instead, you welcomed him and his family into your home perhaps for a dinner (welcome to the neighborhood type of thing), you could find out by asking why he dresses in such a manner. Why is this important to him? And you might discover that he wonders why you dress as you do! (Did you really think that top and bottom went together???) So if we all became Welcoming and Accepting wouldn’t the world be a better place? I may have opened a can of worms for debate here…and that is fine. This is my Golden Rule in short form. Welcomed Acceptance.

Love to you all!
Dawn

THE GOLDEN RULES

Aboriginal Spirituality
We are as much alive as we keep the Earth alive.
- Chief Dan George

Baha'i Faith
Lay not on any soul a load that you would not wish to be laid upon you, and desire not for anyone the things you would not desire for yourself.
- Baha'u'llah, Gleanings

Buddhism
Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.
- The Buddha, Udana-Varga 5.18

Christianity
In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.
- Jesus, Matthew 7:12

Confucianism
One word which sums up the basis of all good conduct. . .loving kindness. Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself.
- Confucius, Analects 15.23

Hinduism
This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you.
- Mahabharata 5:1517

Islam
Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself.
- The Prophet Muhammad, Hadith

Jainism
One should treat all creatures in the world as one would like to be treated.
- Mahavira, Sutrakritanga

Judaism
What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary.
- Hillel, Talmud, Shabbath 31a

Sikhism
I am a stranger to no one; and no one is a stranger to me. Indeed, I am a friend to all.
- Guru Granth Sahib, pg. 1299

Taoism
Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain and your neighbor's loss as your own loss.
- T'ai Shang Kan Ying P'ien, 213-218

Unitarianism
We affirm and promote respect for the interdependent web of all existence, of which we are a part.
- Unitarian principle

Zoroastrianism
Do not do unto others whatever is injurious to yourself.
- Shayast-na-Shayast 13.29

Dawn can be reached at mailto:atdawn@azuradawn.com or join the discussion at http://www.protogeniaproject.com/

The Kindness of Strangers

2009-09-02T22:53:00.005-04:00

Today, I was given a remarkable gift, the second one in less than a week from the same benevolent stranger .

I recently put together my first website. No, I didn’t code it - you know better than that! It’s a Ning site for our sister organization, The Protogenia Project. It had been fun up until last week.

The first stumbling block came when I tried to integrate an Amazon bookstore so we could sell the books, CDs, DVDs and other cool products from our wonderful members, especially those who were featured in the book that inspired the website. (Free download at http://www.protogeniaproject.com/) Amazon makes it so easy, but there was a teensy hitch. The store didn’t quite fit within the Ning frame; it was cutting off the part that allowed people to buy and this was way beyond my beginner ability. Nowhere in the Amazon help section was there an answer for this particular problem so I tackled another first – I posted a question to the aStore discussion board. Several answer posts appeared, then I heard from a woman who gave simple step-by-step instructions and went on to go the second and third mile. Araby generously created a narrow template complete with clear instructions on how to implement it. When that almost, but not quite, solved the problem, she figured that out, too.

Hmmmmm….wonder if she could help solve my other pesky problem? I wanted to put a “Find Us on Facebook” clickable image on the Protogenia Project home page so folks could find our Facebook fan page. Both Facebook and Ning make that easy in theory, but once again there was a stumbling block. For some reason, the hyperlink wasn’t “sticking.” The image showed up, but didn’t go anywhere even after adding the hyperlink html. Those of you who know me personally know that part of me still thinks all of this is magic. Maybe I wasn’t twitching my nose correctly or something.

Once again, Araby stepped in and stuck with it until the problem was solved.

To someone with more knowledge or experience, these problems probably wouldn’t be problems at all. For me, they were dead ends beyond which I could not move without help.

This woman doesn’t know me. We’ve never met and as far as I know, we don’t have any mutual friends. In the course of our conversation, we did discover that we have lived near Charleston, SC though we were separated by 15 years. She simply saw the problem, knew she had something to offer, and gave it. That’s all. But that was everything.

I can’t help but wonder what would happen in the world if each of us made a conscious effort to give something every day. I dare you. Don’t worry whether it is “big” or “small.” Araby’s example has reminded me that sometimes the things we take for granted are exactly the things someone else needs to receive. What information can you share? What introduction can you make? Who can you give a smile?

Giving is contagious. Start an epidemic.

And thank you, Araby. You already feel like a friend.

Good Search Makes Good Cents

2009-08-31T22:57:00.003-04:00

What if your favorite nonprofit could earn passive income from something you already do everyday? That’s the basic idea behind GoodSearch, a search engine that donates 50% of its revenue to the nonprofits designated by its users.

We have all come to rely on search engines (Google anyone?) for everything from finding a phone number to researching the best car mechanic, but have you ever wondered what happens to the nearly $8 billion in advertising that is generated annually by search engine advertisers? GoodSearch founders brother and sister Ken and JJ Ramberg did, and they also wondered what would happen if only a fraction of that $8 billion could be directed towards the organizations who are working diligently to improve the world.

Let’s face it – we’d all like to do more for the causes we care about, but who has more time or money especially during this crazy economic “adjustment”? Our favorite nonprofits are even more strapped than usual at a time when so many of us feel as if we have less to give. However, if you believe giving is an integral part of your own success formula, then belt-tightening becomes even more alarming.

Events are labor-intensive, major donors are drying up like my complexion in Minnesota, sending children door-to-door is annoying to the neighbors, and grants are shrinking. Given that smaller nonprofits in particular have historically struggled to predict revenue and budget wisely, passive income makes a lot of sense for everyone. And what better way to generate passive income than to capitalize on common behaviors?

The concept is simple. Your supporters use GoodSearch just as they would any other search engine. Because it's powered by Yahoo!, they get exactly the same results as they would by searching from the Yahoo! home page. The money GoodSearch donates to your cause comes from its advertisers — the users and the nonprofits do not spend a cent!

And best of all, it’s easy. Go to the GoodSearch home page and choose from thousands of organizations or add your own favorite to the list. Use GoodSearch for all your internet searches. Tell everyone. That’s all. Fifty percent of the revenue generated from advertisers is donated to your designated cause. No extra time or money required!

Just how much money could it mean? Here are some examples:

100 supporters x 2 searches per day = $730 per year
1000 supporters x 2 searches per day = $7300 per year
10,000 supporters x 2 searches per day = $73,000 per year

Could that make a difference for your favorite cause?

Start today. Choose your cause. Search. Share.

http://www.goodsearch.com/

Chicks with Checks Launches in Minnesota

2009-08-26T17:21:00.003-04:00

Chicks with Checks™ is coming to Minnesota!

Please join us on September 15 as Chicks with Checks™ launches its first chapter in Minnesota.

Haven’t heard of Chicks with Checks™ yet? You will! Every month, each Chicks with Checks™ chapter hosts a casual, relaxed, FUN Party with a Purpose. The goal of each gathering is to raise awareness and funds for that month’s featured beneficiary, a different local non-profit every month. (Your organization could be next!) As we mingle and mix over a glass of wine or cup of coffee, we really get to know these organizations – who they are, what they do, and how we can help. In the process, Chicks with Checks™ members and guests make real friends, help each other grow and prosper, and contribute to making our communities better. Social networking and charitable giving all in one!

Local non-profits are offered one complimentary membership for their Executive Director or Development Director and can earn additional complimentary memberships through membership referrals. Chicks with Checks™ is a great place for you, your staff, your board, and your volunteers to network with local women who are actively seeking ways to support local nonprofits.

Please join us on September 15 and bring your friends!!! Our goal is to have 100 women at this launch party.

Anne Newell
Founder
www.chickswithchecks.org
mobile 843-708-1855

To find out how your organization can become a beneficiary, visit www.chickswithchecks.org and click on “Become a beneficiary.”

Join Us at Minnesota’s First
Chicks with Checks™
Party with a Purpose
September 15, 2009
5:30 – 7:30 pm
Benefiting
Home for Life
www.homeforlife.org
at
The Wine Market in Mendota Heights
Conveniently located 5 minutes from Mall of America
Hwy 110 and Dodd Road, ¼ mile east of 35E
www.thewinemarket.us
$35 includes:
Donation to featured beneficiary
Complimentary wine tasting
Outstanding networking

Raising awareness and funds for local non-profits
Do Good….Have FUN!

For more information email anne@chickswithchecks.org or visit www.chickswithchecks.org

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

2009-08-26T16:18:00.001-04:00

Many of us are thinking twice about parting with our hard-earned dollars these days, finding greater comfort the perceived safety of our own little economic foxholes. We’re re-defining needs and wants. We’re cutting back, staying home, and thinking carefully before spending on anything. Frankly, donating even to worthy causes feels unsettling when there are pressing needs like paying the mortgage and feeding our families. Yet there is rock-solid evidence that investing in the safety and happiness of others makes our own sense of safety and happiness soar.

Did you know that when you volunteer or donate to a cause you are passionate about, you reap significant health benefits for yourself? Studies have also shown that as little as 40 hours of volunteering per year can extend your own life span. That may be a result of feeling more connected since strong social relationships have long been associated with lower risk of depression and Alzheimer’s, as well as general physical well-being and mental health. That’s great news since there is plenty we could be depressed about these days! Even better, this pleasure principle may be measurable. MRI studies have shown that the happiness derived from providing for others activates the same area of our brain that lights up when we see an attractive person or win a prize.

There is also a sense of personal power generated by giving. Sharing, even when you only have a little to give, boosts your own confidence which translates into better choices and more success for you. And giving to a person or organization you know may be the best medicine of all. In the article “The Price of Happiness” (Good Housekeeping, July 2009) author Brett Graff tells the story of Colleen Lake, a single mom in New Hampshire who had developed a friendship with one of the sales reps who served her company. One day, the sales rep cancelled an appointment due to car trouble. Though not wealthy herself, Lake took a deep breath, called the repair shop, and gave them her personal credit card. “I felt supersonic,” Lake said. “It put me in a place that money can’t buy - $600 meant the world to her. There isn’t anything I could have bought for myself that could have given me the same feeling.”

The giving muscle needs regular “exercise” to stay fit and pass along its health benefits. Thankfully, a little goes a long way. Years ago, a friend decided it was time to shed a few pounds about the same time she decided she needed to be donating more consistently. She wasn’t really overweight and already gave sporadically, but wanted to do something more concrete in both areas of her life. She chose to give up soda and donate the saved money to a homeless shelter. She made a “bank” by cutting a hole in a jar lid. Every time she would be temped to go to the soda machine, she would plop the change into the bank instead. Watching the money grow inspired her to keep going. Knowing that she was feeding others by treating her own body better gave her a renewed sense of power.

When your focus is on acquiring more stuff of any kind, you are likely to only gain an uneasy feeling of wanting more. It’s not that the stuff itself is dissatisfying. Instead, as you focus on getting, the natural tendency is to compare your stuff to others’ stuff and never quite measure up. Someone always has more of something! Instead, a growing body is evidence suggests that a focus on giving – your time, your talent and your money – has the greatest ROI on the bottom line of your life.

Giving to others will give back to you in ways you can’t imagine right now. Challenge yourself to give something every day, no matter how small it might seem at the moment. Stumped for where to start? How about just giving smiles to random strangers! And be sure to come back and tell us what happened next!

Simple Abundance

2009-08-17T10:50:00.002-04:00

The workaholic frenzy of the late twentieth century disconnected many of us from the deeper abundance that can only come from great relationships, good health, and free time. Sure, we had lots of stuff, but there was also a gnawing sense that something important was missing. That naturally translated into a quest for something more satisfying, so it should come as no surprise that the other major trend of that time period was an escalating search for meaning and for a more balanced definition of success.

It should have been a little comical to watch the simultaneous proliferation of the success movement and the spiritual movement. On the surface, they seem to be polar opposites. The early success crowd screamed “You deserve a big house, big car, big bucks!” while the early spiritual crowd stridently urged “Turn your back on material things. Find your purpose!”

What if they were both right? And both wrong?

Somewhere along the way, the word “abundance” crept into the conversation and along with it came a brand new perspective. Suddenly, it was fashionable to have it all, both material wealth and deeper meaning. At first, folks felt overwhelmed trying to balance making enough money to buy what they wanted with having the time to nurture relationships including the one with themselves. And then a funny thing began to happen. People began to wake up. They began bucking the system. They began demanding more from the work they did for money, insisting that it feed more than just their pocketbook. They began demanding more from their spiritual leaders, insisting that they do more than push religion. And they began redefining success on their own terms.

In his book Simple Prosperity, sustainability expert David Mann explains how we can derive deeply satisfying pleasure from reconnecting to the simple things in life. Mann outlines a philosophy based on allowing ourselves to enjoy more fulfillment in human-scaled moments built on fostering creativity, nurturing relationships, and improving our physical wellness. He enlightens us on how we can derive a surprising abundance from a whole host of underappreciated resources and begin to create a richer, more rewarding life.

Of course, it’s one thing to say the best things in life are free, and quite another to weave together our preconceived notions about “having it all” and “doing without” into one fulfilling reality. And that is where perspective enters the picture. Do we want that big house because the success industry says we should want it or because that particular house speaks to our soul and says “home”? In the end, it was never the size of the house that mattered. The biggest house in the world won’t satisfy if you secretly long for a cabin in the woods. And the cabin in the woods will drive you bonkers if your soul cries out for a mansion overlooking the ocean. Finding success is all about finding the right size for you.

If you are looking for an upside to this economic downturn, this may be it. It may be just the wake-up call we needed to re-evaluate and re-group and go after our own version of success with gusto. Go for it!

Protogenia Project

2008-03-26T12:06:00.002-04:00

Once upon a time, the word “success” automatically brought thoughts of money and power. Nothing wrong with either of those, but somewhere along the way people began to notice that money and power alone felt empty. There had to be something more to it.

The richness of life is only partially related to the richness of your wallet. Good relationships, a sense of giving, meaningful work, physical and emotional health all play a huge role in creating the inner sense of success that is ultimately fulfilling.

Protogenia’s Diary came about while searching for way to celebrate the lives of the wonderful women I have been privileged to meet through founding and growing Chicks with Checks. About that same time, Kathleen Gage of Street Smarts Marketing decided to put together a brand new and incredibly innovative type of joint venture campaign designed to introduce the talents, products, and services of a whole new group of experts. What a perfect opportunity to gather these powerful stories into one eBook and share them with thousands.

Each of these women is doing something powerful and meaningful. Whether it’s the young single mom with a huge dream, the African American woman blazing trails in the workplace, or the woman who saw the chance to combine two hot trends, chocolate and experience stores, into one really cool business. All of the stories are amazing and inspiring. I hope this is just the first of a series of Protogenia collections.

As the goddess of business success, Protogenia is the perfect muse for all who would success by living their passion, the goddesses in the trenches every day. Enjoy these stories, then check out Chicks with Checks. We are raising funds and awareness for low profile, high impact non-profits supporting women and families. We are also becoming the hub for creative fundraising programs (including one that pays you and your supporters for shopping!), tools, and resources. To learn more about Chicks with Checks including how to start a chapter in your community, please visit http://www.chickswithchecks.org/

Here’s to our success!

Anne Newell
Founder
Chicks with Checks
Socially Conscious Social Networking

http://www.chickswithchecks.org/
Network Socially …Give Locally

If you experience any difficulties with the download link, please email me directly at chickswithchecks.@gmail.com